This is my first entry into my Katbox. I will start off by introducing myself. I am a quite intelligent college student that set up this web page to express my opinions to anyone who cares to read. In coming entries I will go into detail about how I feel. I am an unskilled writer that could probably use some practice so......bare with me if you can and feel free to express your opinions about my Katbox or request a topic at my E-mail address.
My topic for my first series is relationships. I have been through quite a few in my short life. I have gone from men who demean and abuse me to men who worship me and act like fools groveling at my feet. I choose neither. I am neither a slab of meat, nor am I worthy of being worshipped. I am better then both. I am human and want to be loved for my better qualities.
When I was younger I did not feel complete without someone I could call a boyfriend. I forced myself to get into relationships I didn't really want to get into so that I wouldn't be alone. I ended up with losers and creeps who brought me down and taught me bad habits. Those relationships didn't ever last long and I would get dumped. As I sit, alone once again, and hope for the losers to call me, I curse myself for not even being good enough for them.
Finally, I ended up running away from home, on the streets on amphetamines and with the worst loser of them all. When he dumped me and dropped me off at my parent's I looked in the mirror and saw a 95 pound little girl that couldn't even be loved by a drug-dealing asshole with no future. I sat peering out the window once again hoping that my prince would come.
I started calling the local chat lines again when I came across an old friend with the handle Wolverine. We met and he gave me alot of support to sober up and of coarse we flew headlong into a deep relationship that lasted about 4 months before I left him. He cared alot about me but we both had some growing up to do.
My periods stopped immediately after that and I started getting fat. Wolverine came to me one day with a pregnancy test in hand and demanded that I take it. After some persuasion I did and I was VERY positive. When we told our parents they both were trying to get us married. We decided we would figure it out together. Well once I hit about 6 months, he washed his hands of the whole thing, swearing the baby couldn't be his and moved to Michigan. Once again I was alone but I had a big responsibility on my hands. I opted for adoption and, with the help of a friend, found a lovely family for my baby boy.
Having the baby was a major turning point in my life but it didn't change my dependency on men. After losing a bit of the baby weight, I ended up in another relationship, but this time with someone who knew how to deal with me. He is a very special man. He has taught me more than I ever could have learned anywhere else and has forced me to look at myself and grow. He gives me support and hope, but for the first time in my life a man doesn't define me. This is a recent realization of mine and it feels good to be a free woman for the first time in my life.